To Grandma's House We Go
As many of you know, I've been living in England for the last month and a half. In Essex at my nan's house to be exact. Home.
I truly feel like I have two homes now - England and Australia. It's a really comforting feeling. I will be honest though, for while I didn't know exactly where I belonged.
There was a time when I felt like I had to 'belong' somewhere specific, whether that was a place, in a work environment, or in a friendship group. Although England has technically always been my home, I really ‘found’ myself in Australia. I was free to be myself there, I found my confidence and passions there, I liked myself more there. Gradually, Australia became 'home'.
This feeling become even more apparent the first time I visited England after moving away. Everything felt ... alien. How could this be? How can a place I spent most of my life feel foreign to me?
It was when I came back to Australia that it hit me - it wasn't the environment that made me feel lost in England. It wasn't the people. It wasn't even the weather! It was me. I felt lost in England because I didn't feel myself there. I had to find whatever it was that made me feel like ME in Australia, and carry that with me wherever I went. Only this would fulfill me. Only then would I find a 'home' in England again.
I guess what I am trying to get at is, we all like to feel a sense of belonging and comfort in a place we call home. That sense is very important to fulfill. However, the most important place you need to belong is within yourself. When I felt like home wasn't home anymore, when I felt confused, when I felt lost, it was because I was lost in myself.
The last few times I traveled back to England, I certainly felt at home again. The truth is, you can choose where you belong and you can choose your home, as long as you are at home with yourself.
(And if all else fails, you can always find a home at nan's house🏡)